Transbot

Yes, I know, this is a Sega Master System game. But it’s okay as I have a Master System convertor for my Mega Drive so it’s all good.

What can I say about TransBot? You’re basically some kind of spaceship shooting at weird UFO’s.  During your quest to destroy said UFO’s you can pick up power boosters which change your weaponry and can even convert your spaceship into a robot. Every time you pick up a weapon booster you only have a certain amount of shots before you convert back into your original form. It’s a pretty cool idea and gets you somewhat hooked looking for your next power-up but unfortunately some of the power-ups are pretty crappy. There are one or two power-ups however that are bad ass and allow you to kill heaps of enemies in one shot. When you collect a power-up icon, a slot machine type of process takes place where you cycle through a number of letters which correspond to each power-up and you have to quickly select where you want to land and hope it’s on the weapon you really want.

The enemies look like crap. There’s no denying that not much creativity has gone into the construction of these pathetic looking bad guys. The game then keeps recycling through the same six enemies as you progress through the stages. You are rewarded though when you come to the big boss who looks like a rip off of that Star Wars two legged robot thing. This guy looks pretty cool and is a welcome relief to the shitness of the other generic enemies. He is however so god damned easy to kill and once you have destroyed him you go back to the start and the game just throws larger amounts of crappy looking bad guys at you for you to kill. At this stage I gave up playing. I think I saw all this game has to offer and I did spend a reasonable amount of time trying to get to the main boss.

The graphics are just plain shit. The backgrounds are repeated and look bland. The enemies – as previously stated – look bland. What can I say? It really is just a generic space shooter; the only thing that sets this game apart is the ability to change your weapons as you progress through the game.

Unfortunately I could not get the music/SFX working for this game. I don’t know why as my Master System convertor has never had this issue in the past. So it must be this game? I know it does have sounds as I YouTubed it to make sure and yes the game does have sound. So imagine how extra dull this game is without any sounds or music.

The controls were pretty decent. But let’s be serious, it’s pretty much up, down, left, right and shoot. How could they fuck that up? My one complaint is that your character moves really slowly when going up and down compared to left and right which makes it a little harder to dodge enemy fire.

This game is a piece of shit, once you reach the first big boss (I don’t know if there are more and I’m not wasting my time to find out) you can pretty much turn the game off knowing that there is literally nothing more to see here. TransBot = ShitBot.

Graphics 6/25 | Soundtrack 0/25 | Game Play 10/25 | Controls 13/25

Overall 29/100 – F-

Altered Beast

It is a time of gods and myths and legends. When men were warriors and courageously fought unnatural enemies in the endless battle of good against evil. It is the time of Altered Beast.

What can I say? Altered Beast holds some good old fashioned memories for me. Not because I ever really played it as a child as I grew up with a Nintendo but because Altered beast was one of the first Mega Drive games and would always be the sample playable game in the toy stores. Looking at Altered Beast as a child this game looked like the shit. Transforming into different characters and monsters was sick!

Playing this game for my review the first thing I notice is how easy the bad guys are, that is until I encountered the second boss. I seriously tried to beat the boss twenty times before I gave up because I thought the bastard was unbeatable. No matter what I did I could not beat this evil eyeball plant thing. Luckily I found an awesome walk-through which told me how to beat the fucker. Funnily enough, once you know the secret spot he/she is unbelievably easy to defeat. The rest of the bosses after that are pretty straight forward and didn't really require any further research into beating them. Overall the minor enemies are a joke. They are unbelievably easy and the only real way to get killed by them is by becoming impatient. That is until you reach the final stage where all of a sudden the minor bosses are actually reasonably difficult until you manage to power up. The final bosses are all pretty cool monsters and are what you want to see when playing this type of game. They make it worthwhile to keep pushing forward to see what the next boss looks like.

Click Here For The Walkthrough!

What makes this game awesome is the power-ups  You begin as a small human character but as you progress through the level you collect power-ups to strengthen yourself. The first power up increases your size a little bit and improves your attack range. The second power-up increases your size to Hulk like proportions and finally the power-up you have all been waiting for… the third power-up turns you into a beast! When you enter beast mode you get different kinds of attacks that vary depending on the beast you become. These attacks are pretty deadly and the minor bosses may as well go home after that. The fact that in each stage you transform into a different beast again pushes you forward to keep playing this game to see who you become next and what attacks you have. The transformation screen is a classic bit of video game history. There is nothing better than seeing your character morph into a beast. That said the major thing that pisses me off with this game is the fact that when you collect a power-up you stand frozen for a short period of time while you transform into your next phase which then leaves you wide open to get killed. This happens countless of times as you think you are going to miss the power-up and jump head first into danger only to collect the power-up and be frozen while the enemy smacks you around a bit. In order to face the level bosses you need to collect at least three power-ups. If you miss a power-up – which are usually found by killing the grey wolves – the level extends for another segment until you get all three.

The controls are satisfactory and I haven’t got many complaints regarding them. The jump works well as does the high jump. The kick and the punch are okay but both pretty much do the same damage and have the same reach so I generally only use the kick button until I transform.

The graphics are fairly standard. I was not expecting much and the game delivered exactly that. The stage graphics seem to get a bit stagnant and bland after a while but thankfully if you collect the power-ups quickly you are fighting the boss in no time.

The music is pretty average. It’s fairly slow and doesn't really get you in the mood to kick any sort of serious ass. It gets to the point where you can’t tell if the music changes in each stage or whether it’s the same bland tune playing constantly. The music does change however when you transform into the beast and when you fight the final stage bosses.

There is some form of story-line going on but to be honest I didn't really bother following it, standard video game stuff. Bad guy takes the girl and you have to rescue her. The final scene sees you win back the hottie and hints at some kind of beastiality scenes that may have been cut out from the final release!

All in all you could probably finish this game in under twenty minutes if you know what you’re doing. I did enjoy playing it and was happy that after all these years that I finally finished it. I will however note that there is no way I could finish it without changing some of the options. To find the option screen you have to hold down B and press start at the main screen. I found this out by looking for some cheats on Google. Changing the options is highly recommended as I don’t think you would stand much of a chance otherwise. So again, overall this is a reasonably enjoyable game but is a little bit basic and monotonous after a while.

Graphics 14/25 | Soundtrack 10/25 | Game Play 18/25 | Controls 18/25

+1 - Classic Game
+1 Awesome Morph Sequence

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Overall 62/100 – C

The animation above and more awesome Altered Beast artwork can be found here.

Pro Action Replay Antics

I am absolutely fuming. I just spent the last half hour trying to get this damned Pro Action Replay to work and when I finally figure the piece of shit out it's almost impossible to flip the switch on the cartridge to the 'on' position without freezing the game and forcing a reset! FUCK!!! Pro Action Pile of Shit Play, I say.

Action Replay 1 | The Blast Processor 0

Game Purchase: Shadowrun

Just purchased Shadowrun for my Sega Mega Drive. Good old eBay has come through again. Only cost me $20! I'm a big fan of the Super Nintendo version and am dying to play the Sega version. So stay tuned for my upcoming Shadowrun review!

Valis

I bought this game at the markets down the road from my house. I had never heard of the game but knew I needed it for my collection. It cost me four dollars and came with Sonic 2 and Double Dragon! Score!

I must say, having not heard of this game previously I assumed it would be a crappy space game. I was pleasantly surprised to find it to be a side scrolling fantasy game, where you play a female lead character in a very short skirt. I was also happy to find out that this bitch packed some serious heat and by heat I mean a mean mother fucking sword.

Along the way you pick up various power ups to your swords which help destroy the enemies easier along the way. The only major problem with these power ups is that you appear to be able to down size your sword to a lower leveled sword which fires different projectiles to the previous one you held. This is frustrating as when you have a level 3 arrow sword that homes into the enemy you may accidentally pick up a crappy laser sword which only fires a laser horizontal once every three to four attacks. Then you have to wait until you can find a better sword and begin the power up quest once again. You also have the ability to perform special attacks which add an extra level of fun to the game. You pick these up along the way after each boss encounter and the better the special attack the more special power you use up. Special power and health power ups are plentiful throughout the game.

The enemies are of a medium difficulty. Not too hard but when there are enough of them on screen and you have the wrong sword they can kick your ass. Luckily your character has a decent life bar and can withstand a fair amount of damage. The main boss stages are pretty fun. They have cool special attacks that are awesome to see and I especially enjoyed kicking the double headed dragon’s ass. They again are of a medium level difficulty. Once you suss out the pattern it’s just a waiting game until you kill them. However, I did get stuck at about the fifth or sixth boss. A likewise female with a similar attack and no matter what I did she kept making me piss! After about seven tries I gave up.

The controls weren't too bad overall. I found them to be fairly responsive. The jump wasn't perfect and had a minor lag and occasionally I found myself sliding instead of attacking but that may have been my big fingers hitting the wrong button.

I wasn't completely horrified by the sound track. Each world had a different tune but each world had three stages and by the end of the third stage I was more than happy to hear something different. A nice addition was a different tune to alert you when you are on low health. It’s just nice to know in the heat of battle when shit gets real. You know that feeling in Sonic when you’re underwater and the music speeds up and you start shitting yourself… memories.

The graphics were pretty average and a little bland overall but the play-ability helped me ignore this issue and continue playing the game.

Overall this game was a pleasant surprise and helped me pass thirty to forty five minutes. I walked away with some fond memories and may play this game again in a couple of years. Four bucks well spent.

Graphics 14/25 | Soundtrack 15/25 | Game Play 20/25 | Controls 19/25

Overall 68/100 – C+